Faith Like Hannah

“Destiny”

Life is a purpose. But what is it?

Us mortals ask this question at least 10 times in our whole life or more.

Do we ever know our Destiny?

Do we ever find out what or why God put us on Earth?

Yes! All we need to do is ask.

He will reveal his plan.

Praise and follow the Son of Man.

He knows the decisions you will make

A year from now

A month from now

The next five minutes.

He created you

And all of you.

He knows why you were put here on Earth.

And because He is the one who put you here

You are guaranteed to have the best purpose and greatest destiny

To live for.

As I mentioned in my first post, God gave me the vision for this blog during my walk with infertility, and at that time, I could not fathom allowing God to use me. I was broken, down hearted, angry, despaired, frustrated, and completely devoid of faith. Sounds exactly like someone God would use, right? I wish I could say that I praised God in this valley and never gave up faith in Him, but like all of you, I am human. Don’t get me wrong, I did at the beginning trust God, praised His name, went to church, joined a life group, started volunteering in the nursery, and studied the word. But as the time went on, days turned into weeks, weeks to months, months to years, and eventually doubt, fear, and bitterness set in. I found myself on the bathroom floor in deep depression, tears rolling down my cheeks, and all the voices of others flooding through my mind of “when are you going to have kids” “You’ve been married for years and no kids?” “you would make a great mom, you should have kids” “all in God’s timing” “if it is His plan, it will happen” I can’t even begin to tell you the depths of my pain and sorrow at this moment. I wanted to die—Honestly. I had been on Clomid for 2 years with no success. A lot of my friends were having children, and babies seemed to be surrounding me everywhere I looked. I felt ashamed that I was struggling with my faith and angry with God.

If you have ever walked this path or are currently in this struggle, you know the overwhelming sadness and longing for something that you simply have no power or control over. I am here to share with you the story of Hannah. There are many stories of women in the Bible that struggled with infertility, and in fact, when I was in the midst of dealing with infertility, I made it a point to look at these stories to help build my faith, but none struck a cord with me like Hannah’s. In 1 Samuel 1: 1-18,  Samuel sets up Hannah’s story by giving you the background of her situation. She was married to Elkanah, and he also had another wife, Peninnah. Peninnah had children, and Hannah did not. Often, Peninnah would chastise Hannah about not having children. There are many lessons God is illustrating with this story, but the one I want to focus on today is faith in the midst of humiliation, embarrassment, and chastisement. The story continues with an annual trip to Shiloh to place His sacrifice to the Lord at the Tabernacle, and during this celebration, they would have a feast. He would serve meat to Peninnah and her children first—as was the custom. Then, he would give Hannah the choicest portion of meat because she was Elkanah’s favorite which made Peninnah jealous. This favoritism that Hannah received made her the target of Peninnah’s chastisement, and she (Peninnah) would taunt her about her bareness. During this time, a woman who was barren was an embarrassment to her husband. A woman’s purpose was to provide heirs to their husband’s line, and Hannah could not fulfill her “purpose”.

Have you ever felt as if you cannot fulfill your purpose?

This is exactly how I felt in the middle of my journey with infertility. I felt my sole purpose on earth was to bare children. I was a woman, and I could not do the one thing only a woman can do. Like it states in the Bible, this was a societal expectation of women, and especially in the south where I am from, there is the same attitude and expectation of women. However, today,  this view is changing, and the societal expectation on women is NOT just to bare children. But, this feeling and weight of expectation is still harbored in the comments and voices of others. “Are you going to have kids?” “My, it has been 10 years since you married! Why don’t you have children?” “Don’t you just love children? You should have a baby” “You don’t want to wait too long… your clock is ticking” While most of these comments are innocently asked or stated, and often the person asking does not mean to be insensitive, but when you are in the thick of it, these comments are like adding 20 pound weights to your already heavy load. Hannah understood this weight, but she does something so cool and courageous. She lifts this weight up to God, and she allows him to take it from her. How does she do this? She gets real with God. She prays and pours out her heart. All the anguish, fears, doubts, insecurities, anger, and she tells him exactly what she feels and believes. What is even more awesome, God hears her because her heart is pure, and her desire is for His will to be done.

“Once after a sacrificial mean at Shiloh, Hannah got up and went to pray. Eli the priest was sitting in his customary place beside the entrance of the Tabernacle. Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made this vow, ‘O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut.’ As she was praying to the Lord, Eli watched her. Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. ‘Must you come here drunk?’ he demanded. ‘Throw away your wine!’ ‘Oh no sir!’ she replied. ‘I haven’t been drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.’ ‘In that case,’ Eli said, ‘go in peace! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.’ ‘Oh, thank you, sir!’ she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad.” 1 Samuel 1: 9-18.

What a powerful moment. Hannah in her deepest low was able to surrender her desire for a child with God, and she FULLY trusted him. What an amazing testimony she has! God is not afraid of your doubt, your fear, your anger. He wants you to release this to Him. Even if your sorrow and despair is aimed at Him. He is the God of creation. He is the author of life. He desires to give you what your heart longs for. He does what He says He does. Put your complete faith in Him. He will come through for you. This walk of infertility is not in vain, and there is a purpose of this struggle for your life and for the future of God’s kingdom.

Over the course of the next week, I want to encourage you to pour out your heart to the Lord. Get real with Him and with yourself. Get down to the root of your hurt, disappointment, and loss of faith. He will respond, and when we are finally real with the Lord, He is then able to move. When we surrender our weight to Him, He will move mountains. Maybe not in our timeline, or in the way we want or expect, but He is a God that fulfills the promises he makes to His people.

Be encouraged to know that your destiny lies within Him not in your ability to have children. You are worth more than jewels. You are set apart. You are placed in the secret places of the Most High. You are very valuable to Him. You are His treasure.

I hope you hear God’s heart through these words, and my heart, as one that has and is walking this journey with you. You are not alone. God will never leave you nor forsake you. He is right here with His arms open wide. Let his love wrap around you and surrender.

Let me pray for you:

Lord Jesus, God of Heaven’s Armies, please hear the hearts of your daughters. I pray that you will touch their hearts and heal their bodies. Take the weight of chastisement, depression, fear, unworthiness, low self-esteem, sorrow, and pain. We bind up the spirit of fear, doubt and unbelief. Lord what we bind in Your name on Earth is now bound in Heaven. Thank you for your Holy Spirit within us. Lord, replace these things with your love, words of affirmation, confirmation of our identity in you, Your unfailing Faith, hope, patience, and joy. Leave your daughters with peace—peace that passes all understanding. Thank you Lord Jesus for being true to your word. Thank you Lord that by His stripes we are healed. Thank you for allowing us to put our trust in you and that you hear the desires of our hearts. Lord Jesus, your Kingdom Come, Your Will Be Done, All for your glory, honor, and praise. In Jesus Name, Amen!

When I think back on the years I went through infertility, these songs come to mind. I hope they bless and encourage you today and this week! Happy New Year!

“Gonna Be Worth It”by Rita Springer

“Never Once” by Mat Redman

“Way Maker”by Michael W. Smith